"We shall fight them on the beaches..."

With a population of just over four million. New Zealand has the luxury of space which isn't afforded to many residents of the UK with our sprawling population of over 60 million. This was illustrated to us quite succinctly when we hired bikes and decided we would cycle to a place called Rabbit Beach, which is about 27 km from Nelson - that's just over 16.5 miles in old money.

They're pretty cycle friendly over here with lots of cycleways and marked lanes, but as I said in a previous blog, don't trust the tourist maps when it comes to finding your way round. We managed to miss one cycleway completely and ended up cycling on the hard shoulder of a dual carriageway for a few miles which left me windswept and interesting and Jane windswept. Other than that and the puncture Jane got, fixed by myself with aplomb I may add, the ride there was pretty uneventful.

When we hired the bikes we told the chap in the shop where we were going and he replied with a little disdain; "There ain't much there". I'm not sure why he said it with a west country accent, but that's just how I remember it. "You could pick up a picnic on the way my lovers and 'ave it on the beach" he added. Anyway long story short, he gave us the map with the blasted cycle lanes on it and we decided to stick with our original plan. With the afore mentioned incidents and several more stops to get the map out for navigation we made it there in just over two hours. It would have only taken an hour if Jane loved me enough to buy me a bike sat nav. I really don't know why I married her? We pulled into one of the car parks, with picnic tables and shady trees and pushed the bikes over a small sand dune to find the following scene:

That's right, a pile of wood lying on an almost completely desserted beach. I think Jane was trying to be arty here. More Pictures

Well I was infuriated. I'd put on my union jack boxers and England football top. We'd packed a jumbo sized towel with a picture of Liz Windsor on it and some egg and cress sandwiches with sand already in them. Expecting to be jostling for space with the knee high white sock brigade i.e. the Germans, we were both bitterly disappointed. Not a soul. There must be some kind of law against this. I mean, parents accross the world are frustrated when their kids spend more time playing with the box their Christmas presents came in rather than the toy itself. It seems to me New Zealanders are neglecting the space they have around them. Perhaps it's time we invaded, again? Perhaps we should fight them for their beaches? Or just steal them? They probably wouldn't even notice.

So what did we do? We got on our bikes and cycled back to Nelson. I mean there wasn't even a winkle van or "Kiss Me Quick" hat shop. No arcades or rollercoasters. We disposed of the sandwiches on the beach in the nice red pastic bag we'd brought them in and got some fish and chips on the way.

Living the dream

Nelson has been voted the most desirable place to live in New Zealand and I can see why. We've been here for a few days now staying in a lovely house that already feels like home. Our hosts have gone away for the weekend, leaving their own house open with a note telling us to help ourselves to whatever we need while they're away. How trusting is that?

Nelson has all the elements I enjoy in a place. It's close to beautiful countryside, mountains and beaches with great cafes, shops, restaurants and some fantasitc vineyards less than 30 minutes away - more on these in a moment.

Since we've been here, we've had some great meals, courtesy of Mark, cycled to a beautiful empty beach and today tasted some fantastic boutique wines. We decided to try out the Nelson wine region rather than the more commercial Marlborough. I am a big fan of the Marlborough wines and looking at the wine map have tried >60% of them so it made sense to try something new. Mark is not a fan of the 'flowery' sauvignon blancs synonymous with the Marlborough region, so we were on a mission to find some whites and reds to satisfy his palette.

Four vineyards later and we've bought some gems and discovered some unique people;

There was Bob Glover from Glovers' Winery. After navigating the potholer's delight of a driveway and stopping Mark from grabbing a very fat chicken for dinner, we found Bob up a ladder. You'd have thought by the ramshackle state of his buildings and tasting room he'd just opened up for business, but we soon found out he'd been making wines for 25 years. This is just the way he does business. We left with two bottles of wine one which was totally unidentifiable as the electicity was off so he was unable to add a lable or seal the cork.

The next vineyard was a real find, Himmelsfeld, run by Beth an ex nurse. Beth's dream was to buy some land and produce wine. She found her plot in 1991 and produced her first vintage a few years later. She has a flock of Romney marsh sheep that are adorable and just 4 wines to choose from, one of which is a Gold medal winner. Beth really is living the dream.

Back at 'home' and we're celebrating our two week anniversary with a Mark special and one of our wine purchases. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and it doesn't get much better than this.

Queen Charlotte's 'Blasted' View!

It is rumoured that the Maoris have 35 names in their language for various shades of green, the Eskimos have 27 words for snow, the Germans have 30 words for sausauge, the french have 20 words for surrender and the Americans have one word for anything that is better than average - awesome. Well I think it's high time the English, nay the British, get involved. I think we should invent several names for rain. We've already got rain, drizzle, spitting and that rain that gets you really wet when it's not really raining at all. We should be able to come up with names for them all. For example, there's that rain that comes at you sideways and the rain that literally comes down in droplets the size of a bucket and then of course is the rain that comes down when the sun is shining.

I'm rambling I know, but there is a point I assure you. I hark back to the Maoris and their shades of green. Of course I've made this up completely, but I bet you believed it at least for a second and it wouldn't be hard to see why when you look at how lush and green their country is. It is apparent from talking to anyone from New Zealand that they have a deep love of their country and a pride that is ingrained from birth.

Well bully for them! Our countryside may pale in comparison to theirs on many levels, mainly the sheer enromity and scale of their landscape. Whilst the most beautiful parts of ours nestles quietly but unashamedly in little pockets scattered to the seven corners. Their's flaunts itself at every opportunity, like a street whore with passing cars. Get me and my waxing lyrical.

But at least we can find our way around ours! Yes that's right, they're not as bloody perfect as they would have us believe, whilst globe trotting and singing the praises of their homeland. The truth is they're only globetrotting because they got lost on a tramp, or hike as we like to call it.

Having just returned from what should have been a ninety minute walk which in the end took nearly four hours I feel it's time to complain about the country that has so kindly allowed us to visit. Get some decent bloody maps! Of course they have maps, and of course they have decent ones, but not the kind we're looking for. Let me explain. In the UK we are lucky to have Ordnance Survey from which one could find the preverbial needle in a haystack, if given the correct coordinates. Well NZ has something similar as you would expect, but to buy one for every inch of the country would cost a small fortune and I'm not about to let Jane start spending my inheritence willy nilly. What they don't have that we do in England is a good book of walks, which merges topographical information and images at key stages of the walk with details of flora and fauna and any other tit bits of note.

The map we used in the afore mentioned walk had none of this. What it did have was a time scale to our chosen destination - Queen Charlotte View - from a car park in Picton, on the Marlborough Sounds. What wasn't plain was to which car park the map referred, the level of ascent or what Queen Charlotte View had to offer. As you may have guessed, we navigated from the wrong car park, up a slope that would have killed a teenage mountain goat, only to find that whatever view there had been in the past was completely obliterated by trees and bushes. Damn them pesky map makers. In fairness, the views on the way were absolutely stunning, but were marred drastically by the iron lung I had to carry to get me up there. Hey ho.

So what I think I'm trying to say is that Ordnance Survey rocks. No that's not it. New Zealand sucks! No that's not it either. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush? No.

What I think I'm trying to say is that we take far too much for granted in old blighty and are only too eager to hear how wonderful other places are from visiting parties. It seems to be in our nature to whinge about the weather, the government, work, our rubbish football teams and the price of gallon of petrol. We need to shout about the things that are uniquely british; modesty (I hope the irony isn't lost), the BBC, Sunday lunches, a good cup of tea, our sense of humour, history and of course bloody good maps, to name but a few.

I guess what I'm tryingto say is, no matter how glossy and exotic far flung places may seem. To me there is no place like home.

It's all down hill from here...

When Jane woke me up this morning without her lipstick on I thought, "bugger, it's all down hill from here!" See artist's impression above.

But seriously, that's what she looks like first thing. Not like the bronzed Adonis that is me on awakening. He he, I'm going to get a smack in the mouth for that one, but I couldn't resist.

Now onto the travel blog bit:

We left Christchurch the day before yesterday. Not before time if you ask me. It wasn't my cup of tea if I'm honest. Not an awful lot to offer in terms of vibrancy, architecture or history but then when I go to a city, I compare it to those great British behemoths like Bath & London. Cities that are steeped in a millenia of history. Perhaps I was looking in the wrong places, or perhaps I was a little blinkered by the last remnants of jet lag. Who knows? In it's defence, we managed to find a couple of good eateries, which is always a plus, and a great little arts cinema. We even hired a couple of bikes for the afternoon and got 35km worth of exercise which was finished off beautifully by Jane doing her dying swan impression at a busy junction. She forgot she was clipped into her pedals, fell off sideways and dented an adjacent car with her head. The chap driving didn't have the heart to say anything. I promise you , I didn't laugh.

So on to Kaikoura. Just a short overnight stop on the way to Nelson, where we're going to base ourselves over the next six days. How exciting, my first ever night in a Motel. Woo hooo. I'm not joking when I tell you the proprietor had an uncanny resemblance to Anthony Perkins. Spooky. What a beautiful peninsula. Famous for it's whaling industry, although I'm not sure why, it was very quiet when we were there. Not even a whimper. Kaikoura Pictures

Breakfast and on to Nelson via the hills. Arrived and found our accommodation, which is great if a little limited in the kitchen department. But not to worry, our landlady can't do enough to oblige. As I write this she is washing my smalls, and also my undies. I was so impressed, I fixed her garage door - and that's not a euphemism. Well I thought it only fair, I did break it.

Ciao for now, I'm off to throw a couple of steaks onto the barbie. Mx

Honeymoon can be a magic word

We arrived in Sydney very early in the morning, Mark managed to sleep almost the entire way, I'm sure the G&T's, flat bed and duvet had nothing to do with it. We did manage to watch one film together - UP, it's charming, funny and brilliantly animated, just like my Husband (I'm still getting used to using the 'H' word).

We stayed in the Shangri-La hotel, I'd booked a room with a harbour view and mentioned to them we were on honeymoon and please could we have an early check-in. The early check-in didn't work too well, but we were able to go for a swim, sauna and shower. A couple of hours after our arrival we got a phone call to say our room was ready, we took the lift to the 20th floor and went in room 2013, oh my god, what a view, they'd upgraded us to a suite with the most amazing view. We popped out for a couple of hours in an attempt to keep ourselves awake, and returned to find a bottle of champagne in the room. The use of the word 'honeymoon' defiantly worked, I think we use it on all our trips!!!

Hong Kong - Phooey

Hong Kong. First leg over of the holiday.....oh you're sooo rude. I meant the first leg of the trip over. Would you believe it, more than fifty films to choose from to watch and what happens? Three G&Ts and it's all over. Out for the count. Bugger! Well I can't complain I've had no sleep. Not that I'm ever one to complain. Hmmm?

Now sitting in the Virgin lounge. It's 18:00 hours local time and boy is it quiet. Well apart from Jane....yabber yabber. They're so bloody polite here it's scary. I'd say it was a breath of fresh air, but I feel obliged to be polite too, which just isn't on my nature. Hey ho, an hour to reboard and another eight and a half in the air. Need to make up for lost time on the film front. Ciao for now, or as they say in local parts "harrow meester Mark". I'm so PC.

More Champagne please!

We probably should have checked out the visa requirements for Australia, no bother, travelling to Sydney in upper class means you get the upper class treatment and as if by magic two visas appeared.

On our second glass of champers and looking forward to lots of movies and sleep on the plane, we've already enjoyed slow cooked Guiness & Beef pie, Seabass and I'm about to tuck into Apple Crumble, don't have to worry about fitting into a dress anymore! Although Mark seems to be worrying I'm letting my self go.

We are now looking at our bording passes and wondering what the strange symbol means I'm sure we'll find out when we board.

Mr Williams I presume?

Standing at the bottom of the precipice after taking the plunge of a lifetime it's difficult to comprehend what all the fuss was about. Why was I worried? She turned up and so did the guests. It all went swimmingly, and then some. What a fantastic day with fantastic people.

The old adage is that "life begins at forty", but in fairness it all began when I was thirty nine and three quarters when I asked Jane to marry me. As a bloke you really have no comprehension of the organisational ordeal you're letting yourself in for, but if I was asked would you do it again, I'd probably say "yes, if I ever find the right woman". When Jane reads this, I'll have a black eye to go with the slipped disc I got carrying her over the threshold. I'm just an old romantic at heart.

But seriously folks, it's an exciting time. We're at the beginning of what will hopefully be a long and happy road and it's all rosy. We have it all, each other, wonderful friends and family, a beautiful home in a beautiful part of the world and enough Champagne to pickle an elephant.
What more could a man want? New Zealand on Tuesday and then it's Christmas.

Woo hooo!!

Standing over the precipice...

So she says "I'm getting really nervous now, I feel a little bit sick." And I say "Oh well that's just lovely, I'm pleased I make you want to vomit..." But deep down, well as deep down as a shallow individual can go, I'm feeling a little sick too.

The wheels are really in motion, the train has left the station. Hmmm, more like the juggernaught is hurtling at break-neck speed towards a school of innocent children and labrador puppies, it's going to be carnage.

People have started to arrive at the house and make claims on my space, TV and worst of all my sofa. And there are three more arriving to today. It's like I'm on a precepice at the bottom of a hill and as each person arrives they bump into the back of me edging me ever closer to the impending doom that for the time being has lodged itself in the pit of my stomach.

But of course I'm joking, or am I?

One step closer to oblivion.

Well, it's this Saturday. That's only five sleeps away. It's like counting down to Christmas, but knowing what your present is and knowing you can't take it back whether you like it or not.

But of course I jest. I really am looking forward to the wedding. Or am I just looking forward to the peace and quiet that comes from the planning being over? Or is it four weeks chilling at the other side of the word I yearn for? Or is it actually Christmas?

One thing is certain, I'll be spending more time with Jane than ever before. She broke up from work on Friday and doesn't go back until the middle of January. Will we kill each other? We'll see. Will we still be married when we get back from holiday...I think so, as long as she behaves herself.

Anyway, will keep you posted.

So the planning begins

The dilemma is how do you plan a 4 week trip, especially when one person likes to plan every detail and the other likes to be spontaneous?

So I have a spreadsheet that has every day mapped out where we are going to be and where we’re going to stay, I’m sure we’ll fit in some spontaneity somewhere.

Could this be the end of the Honeymoon Period before we even start?

Jane

We're Getting Married Next Week

Well, with only 12 days to go until the end of my life, I thought it might be a good time to set up a blog so people, who have no life of their own, can see what we're doing on our honeymoon.

Oh, yuk. I can't believe you even thought that. That's not what I meant at all. Hmmm? No, that's a really bad idea.

Anyway, here it is. Bookmark it if you so desire. We'll upload some pictures as we go to make you jealous, because we're just that nice.

Enjoy.

Mark x