"We shall fight them on the beaches..."

With a population of just over four million. New Zealand has the luxury of space which isn't afforded to many residents of the UK with our sprawling population of over 60 million. This was illustrated to us quite succinctly when we hired bikes and decided we would cycle to a place called Rabbit Beach, which is about 27 km from Nelson - that's just over 16.5 miles in old money.

They're pretty cycle friendly over here with lots of cycleways and marked lanes, but as I said in a previous blog, don't trust the tourist maps when it comes to finding your way round. We managed to miss one cycleway completely and ended up cycling on the hard shoulder of a dual carriageway for a few miles which left me windswept and interesting and Jane windswept. Other than that and the puncture Jane got, fixed by myself with aplomb I may add, the ride there was pretty uneventful.

When we hired the bikes we told the chap in the shop where we were going and he replied with a little disdain; "There ain't much there". I'm not sure why he said it with a west country accent, but that's just how I remember it. "You could pick up a picnic on the way my lovers and 'ave it on the beach" he added. Anyway long story short, he gave us the map with the blasted cycle lanes on it and we decided to stick with our original plan. With the afore mentioned incidents and several more stops to get the map out for navigation we made it there in just over two hours. It would have only taken an hour if Jane loved me enough to buy me a bike sat nav. I really don't know why I married her? We pulled into one of the car parks, with picnic tables and shady trees and pushed the bikes over a small sand dune to find the following scene:

That's right, a pile of wood lying on an almost completely desserted beach. I think Jane was trying to be arty here. More Pictures

Well I was infuriated. I'd put on my union jack boxers and England football top. We'd packed a jumbo sized towel with a picture of Liz Windsor on it and some egg and cress sandwiches with sand already in them. Expecting to be jostling for space with the knee high white sock brigade i.e. the Germans, we were both bitterly disappointed. Not a soul. There must be some kind of law against this. I mean, parents accross the world are frustrated when their kids spend more time playing with the box their Christmas presents came in rather than the toy itself. It seems to me New Zealanders are neglecting the space they have around them. Perhaps it's time we invaded, again? Perhaps we should fight them for their beaches? Or just steal them? They probably wouldn't even notice.

So what did we do? We got on our bikes and cycled back to Nelson. I mean there wasn't even a winkle van or "Kiss Me Quick" hat shop. No arcades or rollercoasters. We disposed of the sandwiches on the beach in the nice red pastic bag we'd brought them in and got some fish and chips on the way.